


I will wait for you

by Justforbad_bros



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Doctor Daichi, I don't know, M/M, Soldier Kuroo, but there are no phones in this era, daichi is weak for food, first chapter tooth-rotting fluff, i don't know when, i'll let you think whatever you want, kuroo is weak for sawamura's laugh, major character death ???, then only angst, this is set back in time
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-27 00:36:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17151992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Justforbad_bros/pseuds/Justforbad_bros
Summary: If you're looking for fluff and two idiots falling in love this chapter may be good for you. If you're looking for angst you can skip the first chapter, you can suffer over the second and then read the first as a sweeter prequel. Also this work is finished but apparntly archive doesn't want to accept it -.-". Anyway, I hope you enjoy it!!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Here it is my secret santa to Rao! Happy holidays! i really hope you enjoy it!

Kuroo wanted to move, he felt his body heavy, his muscles stiff like he was asleep from a long time. He managed to move his arm, trying to shift his weight in it in order to get up, but when he did pain hit him like a train. He hissed and heard the sound of footsteps rushing in his direction and then a warm voice:

“Hey, hey easy there, be careful”

He turned his head, slowly opened his eyes only to be welcomed by two big brown ones, surrounded by a cold light. He blinked to clear his vision and saw that those beautiful eyes belonged to a gorgeous face …that was only a few inches far from his.

“Am I in heaven?”

Mr. handsome looked at him owlishly, then chuckled:

“No, I’m afraid not, you’re at the hospital, you’ve been here for a week now”

Kuroo wanted to sit; the guy should’ve figured his intentions and immediately leaned again to help him: his movements were confident and experienced, his strong arms lifted Kuroo easily - even if he was a grown ass man 1,88 tall and not so light how he seemed). In the movement Tetsurou’s face got near to Mr. handsome shoulders and - damn they were big, he would gladly fell asleep there… and he smelled nice too… - the man’s proximity and his own thoughts left him a little tipsy : 

“T-Thanks” he cleared his throat “So, looking at your uniform I have to assume that you’re my doctor” 

“Yes, I’m Sawamura Daichi” 

“Well doctor Sawamura I would like to know what happened to me”

“Of course! They brought you here in an emergency, we had to remove two bullets off your left shoulder, plus you had a concussion, your friends told us that you hit a rock falling on the ground, you have been unconscious all the time…” 

he paused and looked at Kuroo’s hand while touching his bended shoulder

“but now that you’re finally awake everything will be fine.”

He gave him a reassuring dimpled smile and Kuroo’s brain short-circuited. He quickly got a grip of himself:

“Oh, I think it’s going be great if you will take care of me, doctor Sawamura” he said fluttering his long eyelashes and using his lowest and most seducing voice

“Oh… of course it’s my job!”, he said, clearly flustered “Ehm… you don’t seem too tired, so I’m going to let your friends in, they’ve been waiting for your awakening, never leaving your side, I had to kick them out to visit you in silence” 

Kuroo snorted as Sawamura headed to the door ears bright red

“Thanks Doc, see you soon”

Daichi waved at him and Testurou chuckled. Maybe his staying there wouldn’t be too bad. 

\--------------------

“Hey Doooooc, now that I’m dismissed will you miss me??” 

Sawamura rolled his eyes, but a small smile found a way on his face. He’d really miss him. Yes he was annoying as hell, but he was fun – Daichi would never admit it on his face – and he found him cute, especially when he tried to be smooth and failed miserably, revealing the real dork within him. Visiting him became one of his favorite moments of the day. 

“I won’t miss your stupid bedhead for sure”

He was lying. Recently he found himself thinking about how it would be passing his fingers in that nest of hair. 

“Ouch! Sawamura that hurts!” he said, wrapping an hand on his chest, stupid grin always on his face. The other chuckled and Kuroo lost all of his verve blushing like a teenager.

“So ehm... I know I asked you a hundred of times but.. I don’t know, maybe the hundred and one is the lucky one… so Sawamura, would you like to go out with me?” he asked, scratching his neck nervously.

“Pick me up at 8” he smiled

“W-what? For real?” 

Daichi was so amused “Yes, for real. Now go home, you need a shower.”

Kuroo grinned, leaned right next to his ear and whispered: “I can’t wait Doc”. 

That voice, low and sweet like honey sent chills through Daichi spine, who couldn’t help but blush. 

\--------------------

“Stop it!” Sawamura glared at him

“Stop what?”

“Grinning like you won a prize of some sort”

“I can’t help it Doc. ,I won the best prize, after all” 

He said looking smugly at the other, who blinked and then groaned: 

“Oh my god! really? This is how this night will go? Ok, I’m going home” 

He turned away, ready to go, but Kuroo promptly grabbed his arm, 

“NO! Ok ok, enough with the cheesy lines, got it”

They kept on walking when Daichi asked: “Why the camera?”

The other man shrugged:

“I like making photos and I thought it was a good opportunity to take it out and collecting the new memories we will create in this special night” 

Sawamura looked at him ready to say something, but he stopped when he couldn’t find in the other any hint of his usual teasing grin. He seemed completely sincere… he quickly changed argument:

“So where are we going?”

“First of all food! Once I heard you talking with someone about ramen, and you sounded so enthusiast about it, thus I thought we could go to a ramen place. I know an excellent one!”

Daichi was taken aback, he couldn’t even remember with whom he had that conversation, that man was incredibly observant, and the thought that all of his attention was on him warmed his heart. But he didn’t want to show it, so he put a shit grin on and said: 

“Did you spy on me? I’ll make an exception this time, but only because I actually love ramen and I’m starving” then he looked at Kuroo with the corner of his eye to see amusement in the other man’s face

“C’mon Sawamura, let’s go”

The place was really nice and Daichi thanked the gods it wasn’t crowded, since he was really, really hungry. Once they sat and the waitress took their orders they fell in easy conversation, interrupted only by Daichi’s growling stomach.

“Whoah! Do you have a beast in there?”

The other put his hand on his face, trying to cover his embarrassment

“Ugh! I’m sorry!” 

Kuroo took his hand from his face and caressed the back with his thumb 

“You look adorable when you’re embarrassed” 

Daichi wanted to groan but he was subdued by those piercing amber eyes. Fortunately for him, they were interrupted by the waitress who brought their orders; they thanked her and started eating. Sawamura dived in his bowl and moaned in pleasure. It was delicious. He muttered with noodles still in his mouth

“Oh my God! I’m in love with this”

Kuroo chuckled “I’m glad you like it, but should I be jealous?”

Sawamura ignored him. Then, while he was with his eyes shut trying to savor his meal, he heard a click. He opened his eyes to glare at Kuroo, who was smiling ear to ear with the camera on his hands: 

”I couldn’t lose this chance, you were so cute! you looked exactly like a chipmunk with nuts in his mouth” 

“Wha- I don’t!”

Daichi exclaimed outraged, spitting noodles. Tetsurou laughed so hard at his reaction and it was… the worst laugh Sawamura had ever heard: it was loud, ear piercing, it made him sound like a hyena… and it made Daichi cackle, too.  
On the other hand Kuroo’s heart stopped beating at that sound: Sawamura’s laugh was deep and sweet and - oh god Tetsurou wanted to hear it for the rest of his life… He unconsciously lifted his camera and took a picture. The other man turned still smiling and shook his head:

“Alright, alright! Now eat your ramen or I will!”

“Well I don’t mind seeing chipmunk Daichi again”

Daichi gave him a death glare and it was enough 

“Ok ok Jeez… “

He smiled subtly, eating another bite. 

\--------------------

The night air was crisp and they were quietly walking through the street, slowly leaving behind the warmth gained thanks to that comfortable restaurant and delightful food.

“So Doc, why did you decide to become a doctor?”

“Ok, first of all stop calling me Doc”

“But you’re the doctor of my heart” He jumped, grinning widely

“Kuroo…” his tone full with warnings

“Ok, sorry, but it’s stronger than me!” 

Daichi shook his head defeated “Anyway, why did I become a doctor, mmh… Well, when I was a kid my dad was sick, I’ve never saw him in so much pain before, they had to bring him to the hospital and I heard them saying that without an immediate surgery he could’ve died. I was really scared. I ran away crying, looking for a place in which I could hide. I snuck into the first cabinet I found.” 

Kuroo was completely captured in him. He noticed how Daichi’s eyes seemed to be looking at something far away while telling the story

“Then a doctor came in. He was surprised to see me there, but knelt down asking me what was wrong” Sawamura smiled fondly at the memory “and I explained everything crying desperately, but his face was understanding and compassionate and when I stopped babbling he patted my head and said he would’ve taken care of my dad. His voice was soft but full of confidence, he was one of those people who make you trust them no matter what and I realized that – “

“You wanted to be like him.” 

The other looked at him and breathed out: “Exactly”

“Well, Sawamura, I can assure you that you did a pretty good job” Tetsurou smiled 

Daichi blushed lightly “Thank you… it really means a lot to me.” 

His eyes were fixed on the other’s smile, that was slowly growing wider. He was so beautiful.

“And your dad’s operation?”

He quickly regained his train of thought “Ah, yes… he wasn’t the one designed for my dad’s surgery, but he convinced his superiors and well… he saved my dad” 

They were really close and while walking their hands kept on bumping, making them shivering at every little touch.  
“  
What a great and inspiring story, Doc”

“Call me Daichi” he blurted out 

Tetsurou screamed internally – Oh. My. God. He’s so damn cute. I can’t stand him. – but he didn’t let it out:

“As you wish, Daichi”

He said trying desperately to control his voice. On the other hand, Sawamura loved how his name rolled easily in his mouth, he wanted to hear him saying it more. He stepped closer to him and ran his pinkie on the other’s hand. Kuroo’s eyes widened, looking exactly like a surprised cat; He slowly grabbed Daichi’s finger with his own and the other chuckled pleasured by his reaction.

“So… what leaded you to become a soldier?”

“Ugh… My story is not interesting like yours”

“I can hardly believe it” he stated, looking in his eyes

“Stop looking at me with those puppy eyes of yours! Ok let’s make a deal: I will tell you my story IF you accept another date with me!” 

He grinned and the other couldn’t help but smile, shaking his head - what an adorable dork:

“Mmh… I don’t know…”

“I will treat you with food again!”

Sawamura’s laugh ringed soundly in the silent and cold night:

“Alright, but just for free food, don’t get any strange ideas” he said, trying to be serious

“Of course, what am I compared to free food?” 

He smiled, holding his finger tighter; Sawamura looked at him, the contrast with the darkness brought out his amber eyes, and his grin – damn he wanted to kiss that stupid grin off his handsome face – seemed to sparkle in the dim lights: he was stunning. And Daichi wanted him. He woke up from his daydreaming realizing that they were near his house:

“Oh, my house is right around the corner” 

there was a clear note of disappointment in his voice, that Kuroo caught promptly:

“I will walk you to the door like the real knight I am!”

Daichi grabbed his arm holding it tight and put dramatically an hand on his forehead:

“Oh thank goodness, my knight in shining armor is here to save me from the night, that is dark and full of terrors”

He didn’t leave his arm and this sudden vicinity made Tetsurou feel dizzy

“I- I will save you my little maiden”

The other stopped in his tracks and arched a brow: 

“Little maiden??”

“No, no” he coughed “I mean my sturdy, stunning lord” 

Daichi was so amused, he leaned on his side “Yeah that’s definitely better!”

They walked silently, warmed by their proximity. Arriving in front of Sawamura’s door they looked at each other awkwardly. Tetsurou broke the silence: 

“So ehm… here we are, safe and sound as promised!”

The other chuckled and grabbed both sides of his jacket pulling him closer, he lifted his chin and looked at him in the eyes

“Thank you my great knight, now tell me: how can I repay you for your services?”  
He licked his lips, and Kuroo’s heart started beating faster, anticipation sending chills all over his body, eyes fixed on Sawamura's wet lips

"Do you have money?" he whispered 

"Oh I'm afraid not sir" Daichi said, gripping the other’s jacket harder

"Well... I'm opened to payment in nature..." 

He leaned more, their noses almost touching, and suddenly Daichi was hungry again. 

"How scandalous, my knight" 

He growled; he stood on his toes and kissed him deeply. Kuroo smiled into the kiss, thinking how much he was craving this moment: Daichi’s mouth was soft and tasted like ramen and his lower lip was so bitable - really, really tempting. They pulled back breathlessly.

“I think you’ll need more of these to repay your debt”

“Can I pay you back little by little?” he fluttered his eyelashes, putting on an innocent face

“Of course Daichi, I’m a kind and compassionate knight after all”

Sawamura gave him a peck on the lips

“Mmh good, because I think I’ll need a lot of time to repay you”

His low tone was full of promises and Tetsurou licked his lips, eyes fixed on the other’s ones:

“Oh, I can’t wait, Sawamura”

He kissed him tenderly and thoughtfully; Daichi closed his eyes, losing himself in the kiss – God, Kuroo was really good – but the other pulled back, bonked their foreheads and breathed out:

“Don’t you have to work tomorrow?”

”’How To Kill A Moment’ a book by Kuroo Tetsurou” he stated, clearly annoyed, then added “How thoughtful of you to think about my work now” 

Kuroo groaned: “C’mon Daichiiii! It’s late, I don’t want you to be tired tomorrow morning!” he leaned next to his ear and whispered “and we can continue from here the next time” 

Daichi smiled widely, he couldn’t contain his happiness 

“Until next time, Tetsurou”

He kissed his cheek and headed to the door. Entering into the house, he turned and waved at him with that adorable dimpled smile on his face. Kuroo stayed there, dumbfounded:  
“  
Until next time, Daichi”.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is angst... a lot of angst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is time jump between this and the first chapter.  
> 

The sun was high and hot in the early afternoon, Sawamura was in the garden, trying desperately to hang the clothes out. It could have been an easy task, if only Kuroo would have stopped stealing them and running here and there trying to draw his attention, that dork.

“C’mon Tetsu, be a good boy and give it to me”

Kuroo pocked his face out from behind some sheets “I’ll give it to you if you catch me, and I know you can’t because you’re too short” and ran away.

A little vein popped on Daichi’s forehead “Don’t underestimate me, you big idiot”

Of course he couldn’t say no to a challenge, it was an unspoken rule of their relationship. Thus he ran after him and, fastening his pace, he succeeded in tackling his boyfriend on the ground, who fell on his freshly washed white shirt, obviously. Therefore he decided to sit on his butt for revenge, bouncing on it, arms crossed and triumph written all over his face. It was so entertaining seeing his favorite nerd struggling under him like that:

“No please stop, have mercy on me!”

“Oh sorry I can’t hear you, I think you have dirt in your mouth… too bad I can’t reach to help because, apparently, I’m too short” and jumped harder, for good measure, you know.

“Ooof” “Ok ok! your height is perfectly normal! Everything about you is perfect! You’re my super strong man! Please don’t jump again… if you have to, at least roll me over so we can have a good time together”

Daichi couldn’t see his face but he was sure he was wiggling his eyebrows. He stood up chuckling and took his, now green, shirt from under Kuroo, who rolled and looked at him pouting. Daichi would never understand how he could be so ridiculous and adorable at the same time. He smacked his forehead and headed to the house, leaving him lying on the ground, then he heard:

“I know you love me!”  
He entered into the house, smiling to himself at the thought of how deeply he loved that stupid man who for sure was laying on the ground, arms spread and a stupid grin on his face. He was going to wash again his shirt, when with the corner of his eye he saw some letters in front of the door; he picked them and when he looked at the last one ran out of breath. In that moment Kuroo came in:

“Hey Dai, what are y- “

He stopped in his tracks, worried by Daichi’s pale face:

“Hey honey, what’s wrong?”

“This is for you” Daichi said coldly, handling him the letter. He took it, a little concerned, and he blanched immediately reading who was the sender. He slowly opened it and started reading it, his eyebrows knotted. Sawamura was petrified in front of him, no attempt to move. He seemed afraid of something, he looked at the man in front of him like he could disappear at any moment. That heavy silence was making the air painfully tense. Kuroo finally broke it and spoke, more like a whisper:

“Dai, they need me”

Daichi turned away, clenching his jaw, - he knew it… He knew it but it was easier to deny than accept it - and said through gritted teeth: “No, please… ”. But he couldn’t go on, feeling the tears burning in his eyes. Kuroo approached him, putting a hand on his shoulder, but he flinched away. Tetsurou couldn’t blame him.

“Daichi listen, the war has begun and we knew that this could’ve happened-“

“NO!” he screamed, “No they don’t need you, they have a bunch of soldiers, THEY DON’T NEED YOU! I NEED YOU!” he shouted, no longer capable of refraining his tears. Kuroo went near him again, this time taking his hand and caressing his jaw, trying gently to turn his head and make him look in his eyes. Finally Daichi melted in Kuroo’s touch, following his movement, and he lifted his face but kept his eyes shut.

“Love, It’s my job, I’m a member of special forces, we both know that I have responsibilities… “

Every word was like a stab in Daichi’s gut. He took a deep breath and slowly opened his eyes, those beautiful eyes which Tetsurou fell in love with. They were red and scared now.

“I know… but I don’t want you to go…” his voice was broken.

Kuroo caressed his cheek, and looked at his man, a wonderful man completely broken because of him, because of who he was, and he felt terribly guilty for that. Taking a deep shuddering breath, he closed his eyes and rested his forehead on Daichi’s, trying to calm him down and, at the same time, to slow down his own heartbeat. He didn’t want to leave him neither, but what could he do? It was his job, part of his life, the fruit of years of sacrifices; he had to go.

“Honey I – “

“When?”

Kuroo blinked in surprise, then breathed out: “Tomorrow morning”.

New tears fell on Daichi’s cheeks. Kuroo was on the edge, he just wanted to hold him tight. Then his boyfriend took his hand, kissed the palm and brought it on his own cheek, which kuroo caressed on instinct. After a minute Daichi took a deep shuddering breath and murmured: “We have to get your bags ready, then… “ his voice was feeble, but not cracked. Kuroo watched him breaking their momentum and turning in the direction of their room, then he gently grabbed his arm and followed him into their bedroom.

Daichi took his bag from the closet and then silently began collecting the things he had to carry with him. They weren’t too much, he had to travel light because he was supposed to move from place to place often to go where he was needed.

He was taking some of his clothes and in that moment he realized he was trebling. Kuroo was content with the office work they assigned him after the war, it could be a little boring or stressful sometimes, but even in the worst days he knew there was his man waiting for him at home, to greet him with his sweet smile. It was a security, they relied on each other, Daichi was his rock, he was a fresh balm during long and sweaty nights spent through nightmares, he was the warmth he didn’t know he needed. And when he had breakdowns, or was too stressed and tired because of work, or the most rare but undoubtedly worst times, when he happened to lose a patient, he was there for him. Maybe he couldn’t do much but he wanted to be there anyways. It was reassuring having what they had, and the thought of not seeing Daichi for only God knew how much time, terrified him. But he couldn’t be selfish in times like those, he had duties, his squad relied on him.

A warm hand touched his trembling one, interrupting his train of thoughts. Daich looked at him: “Tetsu, maybe you’ll find these words contradictory, and maybe you’d be right, in this moment my feelings are a contradiction and it hurt so much, but I have to say this: I’m so proud of you. I mean, you risk your own life for us… I made it clear that everything about this terrifies me, but when I think about it I can’t help but admiring you”

Tetsurou couldn’t hold it anymore and collapsed on Daichi’s shoulder sobbing, his boyfriend running circles on his back and between loud sobs he burst out: “I love you so much”

He circled kuroo’s waist holding him tighter “I love you too honey… and I will always be with you”

They stayed it that position until Tetsurou stopped crying and his breath was more regular. He lifted his head, which Daichi took in his hands, touching the lines left by his tears, then he looked at him fondly and kissed him. A kiss that started as a lazy one became quickly needy and desperate, so much that Daichi had to put an hand on Kuroo’s chest to stop them and said with a bittersweet smile:

“Now let’s finish you bag”

_Tell me now_  
_Tell me how am I supposed to live without you_

Kuroo looked at him and nodded.

_Want you please tell me now_  
_Tell me how am I supposed to live without you_

He gave a look on his bag to see what he needed and headed to the bathroom to pick up the last things, when out of the bathroom he saw the letters on the table - his eyes widened and he busted into their bedroom screaming:

“Letters!”

“Uh?”

“Yeah! I’ll send you letters! You won’t be able to reach me because I’ll move a lot… you know war stuff… but I can send them to you. It will be like when we come home and we tell each other about our day, in this way it’ll be easier for both of us. It’ll be my moment to space out from that world, and that moment will be for you only. I know I won’t be able to write to you everyday but –“

Daichi grabbed his shirt and kissed him deeply: “You are the most precious human being in the world… I will wait for those letters as if my life would depend on them.”

Kuroo blushed: “How can you say things like that??”

His husband chuckled and pressed his forehead on his chest, closing his eyes, “ I’ll miss you”

“I’ll miss you too babe, so much that’ll hurt… but we can do this… We will get through all this.” Tetsurou kissed his head and pressed his nose on his hair to smell his scent “ I promise you.”

Daichi held him tighter inhaling sharply and breathed out: “I will wait for you”.

\--------------------

The next morning the car arrived to pick up Kuroo early - too soon in Daichi’s opinion - they just had the time to have breakfast when someone knocked at the door. Kuroo lifted his sleepy eyes from his bowl to look at daichi and then slowly stood up to open the door. Daichi put their bowls in the sink, leaning on it, covering his eyes with his hand in a vain attempt to hold back the tears, then he breathed deeply and went to see which of the weird members of kuroo’s team was at the door. He was surprised to see the most loud of them all talking quietly with his husband.

“Hi Sawamura!”

Daichi smiled and approached them putting his hand on Kuroo’s back “ Hi Bokuto”  
Bokuto’s eyes shifted quickly from Daichi to Tetsurou “I… Umm… well.. I’ll wait for you in the car, Kuroo. It was nice seeing you Sawamura”

“It was nice for me too, oh and please” he leaned over Bokuto covering his mouth to keep Kuroo to see “Keep an eye on him, he might’ve lost his shape”

“Hey! I can hear you!”

And there it was, Bokuto’s boisterous laugh “Don’t worry Sawamura I’ll keep him safe!”

“Good! that’s what I thought! I’m counting on you!”

Bokuto said with his most serious face “I’ll do my best! Bye Sawamura!”

Daichi felt relieved somehow by his words.

He looked at Kuroo and they went into the house. While Kuroo was getting dressed, Daichi went to the bathroom to wash his face and refresh his burning eyes. He looked at his reflex in the mirror, a silent plea in his gaze: you can do this, be strong for him – he took a deep breath, dried his face and walked out of the room. Right outside he saw Tetsurou looking fondly at a picture in his hands, he took it out of the frame and kept watching it with a small smile on his face. Daichi approached him carefully to see what he was looking at, when the other felt his presence he spoke:

“I don’t think I’ve ever told you but this is the moment in which I realized I was in love with you…” Sawamura leaned on his side, looking at himself in the picture, it was their first date, a lot of things had changed since then.

“I feel so lucky I captured this moment… even if It’ll be forever in my memories… You just laughed, and I was yours.”

They looked at each other and Kuroo leaned down to kiss him, slowly and thoroughly. He rested his forehead on the other’s and breathed deeply.

”I have to take my bag”

The pain hit him at the sound of his own words. He took the photograph and put it in the inside pocket of his jacket and walked to their bedroom. Daichi couldn’t breathe, but he had to be strong – he had to – so he closed his eyes, took a deep breath and followed Kuroo, who just came out of their room with the bag on his shoulder, ready to go outside. They stood on the porch, Tetsurou laid his bag on the ground and took Daichi’s hands, then looked at him with an expression mixed between sadness and worry:

“Dai, I’m yours, I will always be yours”  
Daichi couldn’t ignore the implications of those words, they weighted like boulders. He looked at him in the eyes:

“Come back to me then”

“I promise”

Kuroo’s voice was steady and determined. He caressed Daichi’s cheek and kissed him deeply, almost desperate. Puffs of their hot breaths were visible in the cold morning air. He gave two small pecks on his boyfriend lips and breathed:

“I love you”

After one last squeeze he slowly left the other’s hand and headed to the car. Daichi was petrified, he wanted to scream, he wanted to stop him, but the words were stuck in his throat.

_Want you please tell me now_  
_Tell me how am I supposed to live without you_  
_No, please, don't tell me now (touch me)_

The only thing he could do was watching the car going away with the love of his life.

[ _Tell me how am I supposed to live without you_ ](https://youtu.be/269gRgNsU0o)  
[ _No_](https://youtu.be/269gRgNsU0o)  
[ _Please_](https://youtu.be/269gRgNsU0o)  
[ _Don't_](https://youtu.be/269gRgNsU0o)

\--------------------

The first letter arrived a week later. Daichi saw from the window the postman walking in their driveway and ran in the hall. He opened the door abruptly, startling the poor man. He politely apologized , took the letter closing the door behind him and eagerly read it:

_“Daichi, My love,_  
_Sorry if I didn’t write earlier but we’ve been busy. We spent our first day organizing everything. When Tooru knew that there was a tent for one person he claimed it for himself… that brat; oh, speaking of which, when he saw me writing he approached, singsonging: “Say hi to MY DEAR Daicchan” and I politely answered: “Of course, MY HUSBAND will be really happy to hear about you”_  
_He makes my blood boil Dai, and I KNOW he flirted with you when he came to visit me at the hospital - DON’T YOU DARE DENY IT, SAWAMURA! …so it seems only fair that I mark my territory.”_

Daichi snorted at that, it was true that Oikawa flirted with him… And of course he was good looking and charming but, well… he wasn’t Kuroo.

_“Anyway we have new recruits, and I spent these days testing them; Dai they’re good! There’s this Akaashi guy, he’s specialized in hand to hand combat… and he smashed Bokuto on the ground! Yeah you read it right, BOKUTO!! It’s crazy! Also I think that Kou’s developing a crush on him - well I can’t blame him, you don’t find everyday a gorgeous man who pines you on the ground like that. I remember the first time you did it to me, it was magic. I’m smiling like an idiot at the thought.”_

He remembered that scene well: Kuroo was messing with him, pocking his fingers on his side. He was more annoying than usual, so he grabbed his arm, unbalanced him with his foot and… Oh he will never forget how his eyes widened in surprise - he didn’t know yet that Daichi studied martial arts during high school - and how a cute blush spread on his cheeks, realizing that the other man was on top of him. So satisfying and… arousing. They made out the whole night after that.

_“I miss you love, more than anything, I think about you all the time. Love I promise, I promise I will come back to you._  
_Always yours_  
_Kuroo, the amazing husband, Tetsurou.”_

Daichi held the letter in his chest. He missed him.

The little things made him slowly aware of the other’s absence: when he woke up without messy black hair tickling his face, when he had breakfast alone, when he came back home and there wasn’t a stupid man, with an even more stupid grin welcoming him. Two days ago he went to the market and saw mackerels, Tetsurou’s favorite. He even took some, thinking of making a surprise dinner for his husband… then realization came hitting him like a train right after he paid for them. He was so disappointed that he threw them to the trash.  
Luckily his job kept him busy enough to have his head occupied most of the time and his friends were there to cheer him up and distract him. But coming back home all the worry and sadness were on him all at once. That big empty house suffocated him. He began to take long walks when this chocking feeling took him, it wasn’t important if it was the middle of the night or the earliest mornings… he had to get out from there.

\--------------------

Kuroo’s letters seemed to have become the only air Daichi could breath. There were days, when apprehension held his heart like a trap, in which he found himself wandering around the main entrance, hoping to find a letter on the front door, walking from room to room, watching the street from the window, looking for something, anything… a glimpse of the postman, a familiar car in front of the house, a more familiar bedhead walking through their driveway. He knew this was bad, this behavior didn’t help his sanity, but it was stronger than him, his husband was God knows were risking his life fighting, for what? He couldn’t even remember the reason. But this had to stop. He looked at the empty frame on the wall and he told himself:

“I have to be strong, he will come back to me… he will”

He decided that when he felt the urgency of staring at the door he had to go back to the hospital, the only place in which his mind was always occupied.

 

“Daichi”

He felt someone shacking him

“Daichi!”

“Hm… ”

“Did you sleep here again?”

“Hm.”

“C’mon get up” Sugawara huffed, holding up his arm, trying to get him up.  
“Sugaaaa, lemme sleep” he whined, trying to cover his eyes with the other arm.

“No! it’s dinner time and I told Hajime you’d come with us. He made shoyu ramen only for you! So get up you grumpy bear!”

At the mention of ramen he gained new energy and got up. Suga giggled at how quickly he moved:

“Pavlovian response, they educated you well at the pound, what a good boy”

Daichi glared at him and bumped their shoulders, the other beat him by response and they ended up running out of the hospital and hitting each other on the streets like two stupid teenagers. When they arrived, coughing and panting, clearly exhausted for their run, Sawamura smelled something delicious in the air.

“We’re home!”

Iwaizumi pocked his head from the kitchen entrance:

”About time!”

Suga kissed him ,“Yeah, I know. I needed a bit to find him, he seems to find new places for hiding from me every time”

Daichi scratched embarrassed the back of his neck:

“I- It’s not true! I fall asleep in the nearest place in which I work! Anyway, thank you Iwaizumi for the invite”

“Working?! You mean exhausting yourself!”, Suga scoffed

“Stop bickering you two and come here, dinner is ready!”

Daichi’s mouth watered instantly looking at the bowl in front of him

“Thank you for the meal!”

Hajime smiled at him “I hope you like it”

He watched carefully Daichi eating his first bite and grinned proudly seeing the other’s pleasured expression. It was evident that he was trying to keeping himself from moaning out loud:

“Man this is amazing”

“Dude it’s so satisfying having you for dinner! With him anything is never spicy enough, he’s so annoying.”

“Hey! I’m not annoying! you don’t accept my constructive criticism”, He crossed his arms looking away outraged.

“Pffff… yeah I don’t think whining can be considered constructive criticism”

Sawamura snorted, amused by their banter; but slowly a bittersweet feeling bubbled in his chest. He missed this: bickering, playing, arguing, lingering gazes you can have only with the one that knows you better than yourself. He watched them arguing lightly and silently finished his bowl. When they all had their stomach full he thanked them again and was about to leave, when:

“Dai stay a little more”

“Yeah Sawamura, c’mon!”

“Thanks for your hospitality guys, but I’m a little bit tired, I’ll go straight to bed!”  
Hajime nodded understanding:  
“Ok then, see you Sawamura”

“Bye Iwa-chan”, He waved, chuckling at the annoyed glare Iwaizumi gave him for the nickname. Sugawara stood and walked him to the door:

“Don’t you dare stopping at the hospital, go straight home and be careful! See you tomorrow”

“Yeees mom!” he giggled shutting the door behind him.

The night air was cold and damp, he shivered putting his face in the scarf. He walked faster, his house wasn’t too far from there, when a single drop fell on his forehead, then another one and soon it was raining. He started running, hoping to get wet as little as possible. But when he finally got home, he was soaking wet and completely done with everything. Now he just desired an hot shower and his bed. When, while he was hanging his coat, he pushed something with his foot; his eyes widened. He took the letter and sat on the sofa, opening it with trembling hands:

_“Love of my life,_  
_Everything is dark here, blood, death and destruction surround us. But I’m not afraid, honey, you know why? Because I have you. I know I lived deeply because your love filled the hole I had in my chest, your love brought the light in my life, your love made me a better person, helped me seeing the good in this rotten world. Your love is keeping me alive. And loving you is the most overwhelming yet natural thing I’ve ever done in my life. We love each other with every inch of our souls and this is the greatest thing that could’ve happened to me, loving you and be loved in return._  
_Always yours,_  
_Kuroo, the amazing husband, Tetsurou”_

Daichi laid on the sofa holding the letter in his chest and cried until he fell asleep.

\--------------------

He knew that Sugawara was there because he was worried for him. He began visiting him more often after the last letter. Tetsurou said that he wouldn’t be able to write for a long time, due to the importance and the seriousness of the mission entrusted to them, but he reassured him:

_“Dai we can handle it, our team is prepared and strong enough and our superior said that if this action works we are dismissed, dismissed Daichi! I’ll keep my promise, I’ll come back home, I’ll come back to you”_

He said, and Sawamura believed him, he really did but when weeks passed his hopes became fragile.

“He will come back Suga, he promised”

He found himself saying when they were alone, a litany useful to reassuring himself more than the others. He didn’t want to stop hoping, but everything was so difficult, so heavy - “He promised… he promised”.

That afternoon they were both free and Suga convinced him to help cooking cookies for his little patients at the hospital:

“I don’t understand why we are cooking in my kitchen”

“Because my oven is too small for all these cookies, plus I’m sure that if a certain someone smells them there will be none left”

Daichi snorted. Who would have said that Iwaizumi had a sweet tooth.

“Ok, ok I get it! Keep the cookies away from Iwa-chan”

“You say it just like Tooru” he chukled

“Hey, I was thinking… have you ever been jealous of the relationship they have? ”

“Well maybe at the beginning. Oikawa was always there and I felt judged for everything I did, but then I understood that he was trying to protect his friend. And of course he can be his Iwa-chan but he’s my Hajime ̴”

“Stop saying it like that!”

“Like what?” asked him innocently

“Like… I don’t know in that sexy voice”

“Oh you mean HAJIME” Suga moaned loudly “like that?” the other rolled his eyes

“Yes, exactly like that “ his friend stated, clearly annoyed

“NEVER!”

Daichi cackled, soon followed by the other. They kept on laughing for a while when Sawamura spoke wiping up a tear:

“Ok, ok, enough bullshit for now! lets cook or we’ll never finish these.”

They started cooking and kept on bantering how they usually did. Sawamura managed to spread the flour not only on the dough, but also in the rest of the kitchen.

“How did you even do that?”

“I don’t know! The flour didn’t come out, I shook the package and… well maybe I shook it with too much strength”

“You’re a brute Daichi! Only grace and agility are needed for cooking”  
“Yes yes, whatever lets you sleep at night”.

They heard someone knocking at the door and Sawamura’s mood switched instantly. He couldn’t tell if it was anxiety or excitement that got him; maybe both.

“Go, I’ll clean this mess”

He washed his hands and went to open the door, but in front of him there was a soldier never seen before. Daichi paled.

“Is this the residence of Kuroo Tetsurou?”

“Yes”

The soldier looked at him more closely, his eyes widened right away and he took something from his pocket:

“This… this is you, right?”

It was him, his face… that picture. Daichi was paralyzed, his body moved unconsciously, taking with a trembling hand that picture that the soldier was handling him. He looked at it and saw that beside being rumpled, it was burned in the corner. The soldier’s voice startled him:

”I found it in their base. You have to know that there was a sudden attack, their base was destroyed, and all the soldiers that were there… well, we think that they captured them” the soldier kept talking, but Daichi could only hear muffled noises

“Captured… do you know where are they keeping them?”

“No, not yet sir.”

“But you will find them, right?” his voice was higher than normal

“We’re working on it, we have a suspicion in which zone they may be… the point is that, if they really keep them there, it would be very dangerous going to rescue them”

Daichi was unable to speak, he could feel rage and disappointment clenching his throat, he held the picture in his hand and tried to recover his voice, together with his lasts bit of strength:

“Is there any hope?”

The soldier breathed heavily, clearly looking for the right thing to say, but there weren’t appropriate words to sweeten that kind of situation:

“I… I don’t know sir.”

Sawamura could feel the tears burning his eyes. Sugawara circled his shoulders

“C’mon Dai, come back inside “ he looked at the soldier and said “Thank you for your services”

The other bowed and went away. Suga leaded Daichi inside and they fell heavily on the sofa:

“They took them Suga… they took him… and only god knows what they’re doing to them. I… I’m so scared Suga, I’m terrified”

He began sobbing, his body shacking uncontrollably. The other held tight his friend, he didn’t know what to say, their friends were captured, maybe they were going to be tortured and they could do absolutely nothing about it. Daichi leaned on him:

“I’m tired Koushi”

“Shhh, I know, I know… It’s going to be alright Daichi, everything will be alright” but neither Sugawara was convinced by his own words.

 

That night Daichi woke up from a nightmare and with his eyes still close he called:

“Tetsu… Tetsurou”

He touched the other side of the bed

“Kuroo?”

He called again, looking for the other man in the dark, but he slowly realized there wasn’t anyone by his side.

“Tetsu…”

He buried his face in his hands and screamed. Then he laid his back on the wall behind the bed and hit it with the back of his head, again and again.

“He’s not here, he’s not here”

He kept on repeating it, gritting his teeth, his body shaking for the frustration and anger. But slowly sadness took the place of rage and the sound of loud sobs filled the cold room. He curled in himself and put his face between his knees. He cried until exhaustion got the better.

_When my family thinks_  
_That I’m safe in my bed_  
_From night until morning_  
_I am stretched at your head_  
_Calling out to the air_  
[_With tears hot and wild_](https://youtu.be/95I7t1znYFk)  
[ _My grief for the boy_](https://youtu.be/95I7t1znYFk)  
[ _That I loved as a child._](https://youtu.be/95I7t1znYFk)

\--------------------

He became the shadow of who he was. He strived to appear like he was, using a mask in front of others to be the reliable doctor Sawamura whom anyone can count on, but the truth was that he was exhausted. Worry and fear ate him from inside, sorrow was consuming him and his hopes were gradually and painfully dying, like the flame of a candle without oxygen.

He was walking back home. It had been an exhausting day at work, and while he was trying to figure what to eat for dinner he realized it was Friday, the seventh of December, their anniversary. Suddenly Daichi’s stomach closed. He entered home, left his coat on the sofa and ushered to the kitchen. He opened the cupboard where they kept the alcoholics and took a bottle of old whiskey, a gift from their wedding. They had never opened it because Kuroo hated whiskey, but Kuroo wasn’t there so…

“Congratulations to me!”

And he emptied the first glass in one gulp. He filled another one and began wandering through the house with the bottle in the hand. His feet brought him in front of the wall in which there were their pictures, his eyes landing through their best moments: when they bought the house, a party they organized in their garden with their closets friends, their wedding… he drank another full glass, then his eyes fell on the empty frame – he didn’t put the picture inside, it would’ve been Kuroo to put it in, not him – he put the glass on the small table next to him and took the frame, his mouth a tight line. He stared at it and swallowed a long sip of whiskey directly from the bottle.

“Why do I have to wait?”

He went to their bedroom and opened Kuroo’s drawer, he had put the photo there for Tetsurou to find it - “a surprise” he told himself when he did it, but what was the point of it? he couldn’t find one anymore. He drank again, he was more than halfway through the bottle now, and took the picture. He put the bottle on the nightstand then opened the back of the frame to put the picture in it.

“Don’t do it love”

“Why” Daichi said, his voice low

“Because I promised” The voice was clear, it seemed like he was there…

“You’re not even here” he snapped “Stop tormenting me!”

“You said you would’ve waited for me”

“I’m tired to wait! I can’t - ”

“I will come back”

“Shut up” he couldn’t do this anymore

“Your love keeps me alive”

“Stop it” he held tightly the frame

“I am yours”

“GET OUT OF MY HEAD!” he shook his head

“I promised”

“YOU’RE NOT HERE!”

He screamed and threw the frame to the wall, pieces of glass scattered now through the pavement

“You’re not here”

His legs gave up, he fell on his knees, the picture still in his hand

“Where are you? Where?”

His cheeks were wet for the tears. He took the bottle and crawled to the wall laying on it. He kept on drinking, occasionally murmuring “Where”, until alcohol and sleep knocked him down.

\--------------------

“DAICHI” he heard someone beating his door

“DAICHI OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR!”

He opened the eyes, head spinning and hurting like hell, he tried to get up but a piece of glass ended in his hand. Hissing he removed it, ignoring the blood that was running slowly from the wound.

“I’M KICKING THE DOOR DOWN, DAICHI!”

“ I’m coming!”

He stumbled to the door, nausea hitting him every step he took. He opened the door to find a mad Sugawara in front of him.

“What happened?”

his voice was high and trembling with anger, perfect to pierce an hole into Daichi’s pulsing brain:

“Suga, please don’t scream”

“WHAT HAPPENED?”

Daichi flinched, then scratched sheepishly the back of his neck:

“Nothing, I overslept”

Suga grabbed his arm:

“Why is there blood here?”

He freed his arm from his grip,

“Suga…”

His friend glared at him and entered into the house. Daichi thought he had never seen him this angry before, he was terrifying. He silently followed him into the bathroom. Sugawara took the first med aid, intimated him to sit somewhere and then crouched down disinfecting his hand.

“Suga I- “

“I was worried. You didn’t show up at work - and you never miss work - then I came here and knocked at the door for half an hour! I nearly died, thinking what could have happened!”

“I know, I’m sorry”

“I know you are, but what happened?”

Daichi fell silent and Koushi reassured him, “Dai, I’m your friend, I’m here to help, not to judge”

His head hurt and his heart ached thinking about the previous night, but He took deep breath and spoke:

“Yesterday was our anniversary, I had no clue until when I was coming back home and then I freaked out…”

Koushi looked at him and wrapped him into a warm hug, the other buried his face in his shoulder.

“I know we can’t fill the hole that you have in your chest” Daichi took a deep shuddering breath “But please when you feel down, or angry, just show up at my door”

“I don’t want to be a bother”

Suga hit him lightly on the back “You’re not a bother, don’t be stupid now! You’re my dearest friend and I will always be here for you”

“Thank you Koushi”

They pulled back “Now let’s go clean whatever disaster you did last night”

They got up, but the room span dangerously and Sawamura had to grip the sink to not fall down. When he gained again his equilibrium and reassured Koushi that he was fine, they went to the bedroom. Sugawara’s eyes widened seeing the empty bottle and pieces of glass everywhere, but he said nothing. The other took the bottle:

“I’m taking a trash bag to throw all of this, be careful for pieces of glass”  
“Okay”

When Suga leaned to pick the biggest frame’s pieces of the ground, he saw the picture:

“Daichi, what do I have to do with this?”

His friend came back to the room to see what he was talking about and Suga waved the photograph. He came over and took it, falling silent again. Koushi watched carefully his friend staring at that picture. Sawamura closed his eyes taking a deep breath and put it again in Kuroo’s drawer.

“C’mon let’s clean this mess”

\--------------------

Suga was right, there was an hole in his chest. It was like he missed a big part of himself and the more time he spent without any kind of news about his husband, the more he became impatient and anxious. He found difficult to go on, to wait patiently and to let the days passing by. It wasn’t easy awaking every morning without the love of his life next to him. The consciousness of what he’d been missing and the uncertainty about his husband’s condition tormented him incessantly. Even at night he couldn’t find peace: sometimes in his sleep he could swear he heard the Kuroo’s voice calling him, only with the result of waking up looking for someone who wasn’t there. When exhaustion took him, his mind was haunted by vivid dreams and nightmares; when he was lucky, he dreamt about their future, about them getting a dog or some cats, or going out with their friends, he dreamt about his husband calling his name while making love, kissing him needy and desperate, looking at him with those wonderful eyes. Those were the few nights in which he managed to sleep. Sometimes, thinking about those dreams helped him going through the day, giving him the hope that those things could really became true. But there were other times when after those kind of dreams he was hit by the awareness that none of that was already a reality, that it was NOT their reality. It was like receiving a punch in the face.

In the nights when he had nightmares he usually ended waking up screaming, with his cheeks wet by tears. He dreamed about his man, about how he was living there, or about how he was dying… and in those dreams he was powerless, he could do nothing to help him; it was like his hands had invisible ties and he was sinking in quicksand: he could see him, he could hear him and his desperate screams, he could scream too but he couldn’t reach him, he couldn’t save him.

It was in the early morning and he just had one of those nightmares, he couldn’t close his eyes because the images were still fresh in him mind. He wasn’t supposed to go to work until afternoon so he decided to do some housework. He spent his morning keeping himself busy, trying to avoid remembering those images. At midday he felt exhausted, the lack of sleep making his eyelids heavy, but he didn’t want to sleep anyways.

His last duty was hanging out the clothes. The sun was incredibly hot and dazzling that day, it recalled him of another one, pale shadows, playing carelessly in the same garden; he could almost see them. They were happy, but it was a long time ago. He was deep in his thoughts when he heard a noise, it seemed like someone calling his name, but it seemed weird, muffled. Then he heard it again, this time it was clearer but soft, almost shy:

“Daichi”

– no, no it can’t be – he turned and his eyes widened. Those hair… those eyes, he was there, his heart ached in his chest. No it couldn’t be true.

“Tetsurou?”

The other smiled and walked towards him. He was strange, he seemed more young.

“No, no! STOP! I’m dreaming! It’s not you, it can’t be you”

The other flinched, hearing Sawamura screaming. Daichi began to back off, shaking his head and closing his eyes, already filled with tears.

“It isn’t possible…”

He heard footsteps getting nearer and felt two strong hands on his shoulders keeping him steady. He kept on saying with gritting teeth: “It can’t be you”, refusing to look at the other. But he could feel his presence. It seemed real, it was familiar, comforting. Kuroo hugged him tight and buried his head in the crook between his neck and his shoulders, momentarily unable to speak. Then with a trembling voice he managed to say:

“It’s me. Daichi, it’s me!” “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, love”

Sawamura could feel the warm and wet tears of the other, falling on his shoulders - they seemed real. Tetsurou lift his head and took Daichi’s in his hands, his lips quivering:

“I’m here Dai, I’m with you… I’m sorry I let you wait for this long, I’m sorry”

The other kept his eyes shut. Hearing that voice, his voice, was painfully overwhelming. He pressed his head in Kuroo’s chest and cried so hard. He couldn’t stand anymore, his legs felt like jelly, and slowly fell on his knees ruining every attempt of the other to keep him up. They were both on the ground crying and holding each other: Kuroo held Daichi swaying back and forth, repeating “I’m here love, I’m here” and occasionally kissing the other man’s cheek.

Sawamura couldn’t believe it, something kept on telling him it couldn’t be true, but there was a part inside him screaming, hoping that it was real, that he wasn’t dreaming.

They stayed like this for a while. When Daichi pulled back, for the first time since the other arrived, he looked at Tetsurou in the eyes; and there he realized that even if it was a dream, he didn’t want to wake up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *playing "bohemian rhapsody" in the background* "Is this the real life? is this just fantasy?  
> " *shrugs* who knows...  
> I hope you liked it, Rao <3<3  
> There are only two chapter inthis fic, but apparently archive doesn't want to accept it -.-".  
> I want to thank my bros edgarnyan and rootie, they supported me, helped me and dealt with all my insecurities, without them this fic would've been just a mirage. I love you bros.  
> A lot of thanks to Kiku, the best cheerleader ever <3 Ily boo  
> Aaaaand last but not less important thanks to Kim my angel savior <3


End file.
